Temporary Highlights

No, they are not just for your hair. You can also use temporary highlights to end the "when are you ever going to post something on your blog?" e-mails you get from readers...

How to Become Unprofessional in under 30 Minutes: I have spent five years working my rear off to have an aura of capability and seem "with it" as an assistant. Five years of hard, hard work beating deadlines, organizing, keeping afloat - all ended in under 30 minutes. Here's how you, too, can do it. The boss and I had to go to storage in the basement to find something. I opened the door, flipped on the lights. I started walking back to our corner of storage when it happened. Something brown and furry with rodent features came out from behind some shelves on my right, ran over my kitten-heeled clad foot, and scampered under some boxes. Normally I do not mind rodents. But if the rodent startles me after I have given fair warning (aka lights, speaking audibly) I'm going to loose it. I jump and scream. Loud, girly scream. Very girly. The boss asks what is going on. I tell him about the rodent. He shakes his head. He did not see it. Strike one. He kids about it for the rest of the morning. That afternoon I put the final nail in the coffin of professionalism by electrocuting myself while unplugging our paper shredder. Again, girl scream. He shakes his head again. Professionalism is dead. I will forever be "that assistant who screamed like a girl".

To the Doghouse: A/C quit working. Now, some of you in the northern part of our readership may not understand why this was a problem in November. I mean, who needs A/C in November? Well, here in Texas you have to have the A/C available at all times. No, it doesn't make sense. We called the realtor. The A/C repairmen come out, again. They know us by name. They went to the outside unit and showed us what the problem was: "Looks like some poor animal chewed through these wires. It probably got electrocuted and died." No, no it didn't. Chris and I both knew "some animal" was in our living room probably up on the furniture where she is NOT supposed to be. We pay for the repair ourselves. I ask the repairmen if we throw in an extra $50 will they take the 50 pound puppy and "take care of her". I was only half joking. By that evening we had forgiven Callie, I suppose - all 50 pounds of her was up sleeping between us in our bed. But I promise you the next time she chews through a wire it's over for her. Probably.

Washed Up: Washing machine gave off a funny smell. I called Chris in to confirm funny smell. He grabbed everything from the vicinity of the washer and moved it to a "safe" place, then he sat on the stairs next to the washer with a fire extinguisher. Apparently that funny smell is the smell of electrical meltdown death. Decomp of washer parts. Repairman visits the house. He assures me the 50 pound puppy had nothing to do with the washer. Lucky girl. Repairman fixes washer. Wallet is almost $200 lighter, but we have clean clothes and no threat of future electrical fires.

So, what else around here can break? Don't ask. We're searching to find out if the sacrificing of a black 50 pound puppy will appease the cosmos and keep us from paying any more appliance repair people. If we hadn't just spent $200 on her last trip to the vet.... We should have named her "Money Pit" instead of Callie.